Solutions For Five Main Challenges of Young People’s Wholeness.
What Josh McDowell and Ben Bennett Have Discovered

Generation Z (those born between 1999 and 2015) are struggling today, and few understand why or what to do about it. Research reveals five common challenges, and though they’re nothing new, recent data shows that young people experience them in greater numbers than ever before:

• Mental Health Issues
• Shame and Emotional Wounds
• Porn Use
• Loneliness
• Lack of a Biblical Worldview

At Resolution (a new initiative from Josh McDowell Ministry), Josh and I have started the Resolution Podcast to deal with these issues directly. We reexamine what God says in His Word, along with what we’ve learned from brain science, to find ways to help young people learn how to heal, thrive and live in wholeness.
Below are key takeaways from our first conversation. You can watch it here in this video, or listen to it wherever you like to listen to podcasts.

Let’s look at the five issues and explore how they’re impacting Generation Z.

Issue #1: Mental Health Issues

Last year, Pew Research found that 70 percent of teens say anxiety and depression are major issues among their peers. Another study from JAMA Pediatrics reported that between 2007 and 2015, emergency room visits for suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide doubled among children and teens.
There’s no one root cause, but two things have happened that at least correlate with this statistic.
First, the introduction of the iPhone isolated children and gave them unfettered access to potentially damaging information. Second, kids with a disconnected father tend to have higher rates of depression. When taken together, the situation is potentially explosive.

Issue #2: Emotional Wounds

We recently asked close to three hundred pastors and leaders about common issues the teens in their ministries face. They told us, overwhelmingly, that these young people deal with emotional wounds, a negative self-image, and above all, shame.
As Josh began to see these trends, he spent an entire year thinking deeply about why young people experience so much shame. He saw that shame diminishes a child’s respect for authority, their desire to spend time with friends, and even the normal drive to connect with the opposite sex.

Issue #3: Porn Use

We’ve come to believe that, among other isolating factors, the pervasive use of porn drives these emotional wounds higher. Porn affects how young people view themselves, and increases the struggle for acceptance already prevalent during the teen years.
The majority of men and women — 91.5 percent of men and 60 percent of women — regularly seek out porn at least once monthly! When Josh and I spoke all over the world, we discovered that the majority of all teens, Christian or not, are caught in the grips of porn.
In our experience, too many parents and Christian leaders ignore the issue. Josh recalls, “Parents come to me and say, ‘Look, Josh, you don’t understand. My kids are good kids … they’re not going to look for porn.’”
But if kids have access to smartphones, porn can too easily find them! The porn industry is aggressively targeting our kids, even when our kids aren’t looking for it.

Issue #4: Loneliness

Cigna, a major health insurance company, recently found that members of Gen Z are lonelier and feel more left out than Millennials, Baby Boomers, and the Greatest Generation. Young people can connect freely through the Internet, yet they feel more isolated than ever. 
Compared with the youth of previous decades, today’s teens are socializing less in person. They are less likely to go to movies or parties, hang out with friends, or date. Instead, often they’re alone on a Friday night on their smartphone.

Issue #5: Lack of a Biblical Worldview

Finally, we learned that today’s youth are growing up with the least biblical worldview in American history. Barna Group found that only 4 percent of Generation Z have a truly Christian worldview.
As Josh says, “A worldview is simply how you view the world.” Our worldview, then, affects how we see ourselves and others. It affects every relationship we have. It affects how we behave and the choices we make.
And this generation doesn’t view truth as objective — but entirely subjective, based on every person and every situation. The result? What Josh calls “spiritual individualistic morality.”
Christians know that it is God, alone, who defines truth. We need His truth to operate effectively in this world. Living our lives from subjective truth will do us irreparable harm. We must correct our view to gain God’s perspective.

Parents and Leaders: You Can Help

Some believe Gen Z to be the most broken generation in American history. But brokenness isn’t a barrier for God — it’s a bridge to Jesus’ healing work. We must help this generation, through practical steps, to understand how Jesus brings healing. 
Parents and Christian leaders, intentionally engage with the young people in your life:

• Listen to young people carefully and without judgment
• Ask questions and let them respond
• Stay involved in their lives
• Find things to do together
• Be a safe person and share truth in love

As you can see, these issues are huge. That’s why Josh McDowell Ministry has jumped into this arena to do something about it through Resolution. We need to help our youth to learn who God says they are, and to experience wholeness. We can help them to love God, themselves, and others. To develop healthy relationships.
We invite you to join us in the Resolution Movement!

Ben Bennett
Director, Resolution

Subscribe to the Resolution Podcast wherever you listen: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or YouTube. In the coming weeks we’ll be discussing healing through the Bible and brain science!

I (Josh) was recently speaking with the youth pastor of a large church. I asked what he thought the number one epidemic is among youth. “Loneliness,” he replied. “I don’t know a kid in my youth group who isn’t struggling with it.” These were Christian kids with mostly Christian parents who loved them, yet somehow they all felt so alone and were hurting.

A few years ago, I (Ben) was mentoring a Christian student named Eric who was struggling with anger, poor self-image, and pornography. All the while, Eric was attempting to lead Bible studies, share his faith with others, and stop returning to his struggles. He wanted so badly to be free, and to overcome these issues that prevented him from loving others and enjoying life. Eric tried talking to his ministry directors, and memorizing Scripture about why anger and lust are wrong, but things didn’t get better. His faith was having little impact on his day-to-day struggles.
These are just two of the many stories we have witnessed around the globe in recent years.

Even before COVID-19, countless people were experiencing hurts and struggles at devastating rates. Many are struggling to survive, let alone thrive and experience the abundant life Jesus promises. We consistently hear of Christian influencers and leaders making headlines for their mistreatment of others, getting caught up in immoral choices, and struggling to live and lead from a place of wholeness. It’s common to witness our friends, Christian or not, struggling with their self-image, being reactive or defensive in relationships, and coping with stress through escapist behaviors.
Even those who hold deep Christian beliefs struggle to live in victory due to their painful life experiences. This, in turn, prevents them from experiencing the thriving life Christ has for them. It also prevents them from inviting others into a vibrant experience with Jesus.

Young People Are Struggling

Young people are really struggling as these statistics show:

• 70% of teens say anxiety and depression are major problems amongst their peers.
• Those ages 16 to 24 are 63 times more lonely than those over 75 years old.
• Only 4% of Gen Z hold to a biblical worldview.
• 76% of men and women ages 18-24 regularly seek out porn.
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people.

I (Josh) experienced many of those struggles growing up. I endured an abusive and alcoholic father and a critical mother. And I was raped by a farmhand for seven years; the first time at just six years old. These experiences ultimately led to doubts about God, anger, and fear that I’d never be able to love or be loved. My childhood led me to develop unhealthy patterns that continued for decades.

I (Ben) also experienced many struggles as a child and teen. My parents were in full-time ministry with a large Christian organization, yet my dad was often angry, distant, and abusing alcohol. As I grew up, I lived in fear of him and struggled to fit in anywhere. By the age of eight, I was riddled with mental health issues, and a sense of worthlessness. Eventually I became addicted to food and porn. I began dealing with suicidal thoughts. I wondered if anyone would care if I ceased to exist. Yet all the while I was attending church, involved in youth groups, and reading my Bible. I suffered in silence and learned to hide what I was going through for fear of what others might say.

If the church is not whole and thriving, it will struggle to be relevant and offer the hope of the Gospel to the world around it.

They’re also asking, “How does Christianity offer a life of wholeness here and now?” These questions directly relate to their hurt and brokenness that need answers.

There Is Great Hope

Medical and mental health professionals confirm that much of the dysfunction and disconnectedness we experience in life stems from unaddressed or unresolved relational and emotional hurts. And the Bible confirms this as well. These hurts leave us with unfulfilled God-given longings that we seek to fulfill through unhealthy behaviors. Yet, our struggles aren’t random; they’re signals that when answered, can pave our way towards a thriving life.

When we experience the fulfillment of our God-given needs and longings (things like acceptance, love, affirmation, safety) by God and others, we start to heal at a root level. Just as negative experiences of unmet longings lead to unwanted behaviors, positive experiences of met longings lead to healing and thriving.
In the face of these challenges, there is great hope. Both of us have experienced freedom and healing through biblical, time-tested, and research-supported principles. We have witnessed God use these principles in the lives of tens of thousands of others and developed something we’ve deemed The Wholeness Apologetic–a biblical understanding of how we heal from brokenness, overcome struggles, and return to a life of wholeness. It’s time for these principles to be made accessible to the masses and for the church to see a movement of wholeness. It’s time for a Resolution.

Join The Resolution Movement

I (Josh) and Resolution Director, Ben Bennett, have started a worldwide movement to address these problems through a combination of neuroscience and the changeless truth of the Bible.
Even though we couldn’t have foreseen COVID-19 when we began planning the launch of Resolution a few years ago, it is amazing how God sovereignly orchestrated this content. Not only is Resolution relevant to the current state of our culture in 2020, but it is even more relevant in our new normal of sheltering in place, social distancing, and the rise of struggles many are experiencing due to COVID-19.

Through live events, a podcast, YouTube videos, and social/web presence, youth, parents, and youth leaders are equipped with biblical truth and brain science to overcome struggles and experience a thriving life with Christ and others.
Will you join the Resolution and help others find hope, healing, and freedom?
Here’s how:

• Mark your calendar for the launch of the Resolution Podcast on May 4, 2020. Listen, rate, review, and share the podcast.
• Check out resolutionmovement.org for more info and resources!
• Share the Resolution Movement on social media. Use the Resolution Media Kit for images to post about the movement. Use the below sample post descriptions as a guide, with the provided hashtags:

Youth are facing high levels of anxiety, loneliness, and shame.  The @ResolutionMovement combines biblical truth and brain science to help them find freedom! #resolutionmovement #struggles #teen #youthministry
I’m excited to be part of the @ResolutionMovement launching 5/4 with @benvbennett and @joshdmcdowell. Check it out!
resolutionmovement.buzzsprout.com
#resolutionmovement #struggles #teen #youthministry
Our struggles aren’t random; they’re signals that, when answered, can pave our way towards a thriving life. @resolutionmovement #resolutionmovement #struggles #teen #youthministry
We are facing a global epidemic. Many are hurting, lonely, and struggling, but not finding the biblical answers available to them. @resolutionmovement #resolutionmovement #struggles #teen  #youthministry

Mark your calendar for the world launch of the Resolution Podcast on May 4, 2020. Invite your friends to listen in!

Greater economic hardship. Relational disconnection. Loss of loved ones. Uncertainty. Job loss. Xenophobia. Racism. Lack of safety. The effects of COVID-19 are endless, and ruthless. These effects not only threaten our physical health, but our mental, relational, and spiritual health. They threaten our ability to win mentally and emotionally.

Continue reading, or click here to watch video.

No matter what you are facing during this time, you are not alone. You were not meant to be alone. You were never intended to experience this reality. You were made to thrive, created in the likeness of God with infinite worth, designed for healthy connection with Him and others. You were designed to experience the assurance of safety, to know that everything will be ok.
But the reality is that what we are experiencing in our world today doesn’t fit that bill, that need, that longing. So what do we do in this time of loss, pain, and hurt? How do we process what we are experiencing, to not cave to our anxiety, hopelessness, and pain? How do we choose health, rather than merely coping by binging Netflix or endlessly scrolling social media, overeating/drinking, or viewing pornography? How do we navigate our pain, loss, and uncertainty? How do we find a way to move forward and thrive?

After years of personally experiencing anxiety, emotional turmoil, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts before finding hope and healing, I want to share the process that has helped me win mentally and emotionally.

This process shouldn’t be rushed, and sometimes taking weeks or even years. But I want to lay this out to encourage you and remind you that there is hope. Things will get better! There is a way to limit the pain you are experiencing. Not in a way that minimizes it, but in a way that helps you to not be alone, or fall into the lies and traps of our enemy.

1. Grieve Loss From COVID-19

The losses during this time are immense. Loss of financial income, death of loved ones, uncertainty, disconnection from others, loss of normal routines, activities, and hobbies, to name a few. The pain you are experiencing is real. Be honest with yourself about your fears, feelings, questions, hurts, and struggles. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to grieve and mourn the reality of what you are experiencing.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” It’s okay to not have it all together and to mourn. In fact, it is healthy to do so. I’m reminded of how Jesus wept in John 11 when His friend Lazarus died. If He, God, took time to feel and grieve, how important is it for us?
I encourage you to write down the losses you are experiencing. Let yourself feel those emotions. Sit with them and talk to God about them. Be honest with Him about your hurt, frustrations, and questions. Visualize Him being with you and comforting you.

2. Identify The Messages

Loss, painful experiences, and uncertainty lead to messages we start to believe. But these messages are often not true. Maybe you’re experiencing economic hardship–you’ve lost your job or business has slowed down. What messages have you started to believe from those experiences? Perhaps, “God doesn’t care about me,” “I’m not good enough or gifted enough because others weren’t laid off but I was,” or “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t provide for my family. I’m inadequate.”
Maybe you’ve experienced loneliness because friends, family, and co-workers haven’t reached out to you, and you feel disconnected. What messages have you believed here? Is it “People don’t care about me,” “I’m unwanted,” or “I must not matter.” Lies and losses come in all shapes and sizes.
This has been the enemy’s tactic since day one in the Garden of Eden. To twist the truth, deceive us, and get us to believe lies about God, ourselves, and others. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve fell for a lie from the enemy and disobeyed God’s command to not eat of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
They ate the fruit and were immediately filled with shame, believing not just that they had done wrong, but that they were wrong. The lie that started about God, ended in a lie about themselves, too. The enemy wants to use whatever he can to get us to believe lies, often using our losses and painful experiences. Let us not be unaware of this key tactic in our lives.

3. Reframe The Messages

What is the truth about your current situation?  For example, in economic hardship, remind yourself that events are taking place that are out of your control. Remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Remember that God will provide for you, because you are so valuable to Him.
In loneliness, remind yourself that Jesus said, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Remind yourself that in Christ you are a beloved child of God (1 John 3:1), chosen and wanted (John 15:16), and God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), whether others acknowledge that. But also remember that others may feel lonely or unwanted as well, and that you have the opportunity to reach out to them so that both of your needs are met.
Sit with God and experience this truth intellectually and emotionally. Savor what it feels like to be loved, accepted, and adequate. Come back to these truths and experience them when sadness, shame, or the lies surface again.

4. Connect With Others

Share with safe people the losses and pain you are experiencing. Connecting with others releases dopamine and oxytocin in our brains, leading to a sense of connection and satisfaction. It also affirms the reality that we are not alone and that we are understood. Text or FaceTime a friend or loved one. Go for a walk with someone you know, with appropriate social distancing. Schedule an online meeting with a therapist, coach, or mentor, if needed. 
Remember, we need one another. In the creation account God said that it was not good for Adam to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Hebrews 10:25 goes so far as to instruct us to “not neglect meeting together,” because of how important relational and spiritual connection is for each of us. 

5. Hold on to Hope

Think back on challenges you’ve faced in the past and how God got you through them. You’re still here. You’re reading this. You made it through! Think of how you might be able to help others through their struggles in the future, because of your own. Try to get a vision of what God might do in your life through this.
Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, showcases the power of a future vision. Frankl found the strength to continue fighting for his life in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. Overworked, underfed, struggling to survive the bitter cold winter, with friends dying all around him, he began to envision one day being free from the concentration camp, lecturing to crowds on the psychology of concentration camps. All of his challenges became experiences that informed his future work. He found purpose in his pain, and a greater reward to strive for.
In contrast, those who lost hope around Frankl began deteriorating, succumbing to illness and mental breakdowns, losing the will to go on, and surrendering to hopelessness and death. Frankl survived, eventually being liberated by American soldiers. He went on to write books, earn his Ph.D., and give lectures all over the world.
We also witness the power of vision in the life of Jesus in Hebrews 12:2, who “for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.” That joy was receiving “all authority on heaven and earth” (Matthew 28:18) and giving you and I the “right to become children of God” (John 1:12).
You can take heart because Jesus sees you, cares, and mourns with you. He has overcome the world (John 16:33), is ruling and reigning over all that is going on in this time (Psalm 47:8), and will one day make all things right and new (Revelation 21).

Lastly, let me encourage you to take these next steps to win mentally and emotionally during COVID-19.

1. Work through the five step process in this article, starting with one loss or painful experience.
2. Consider meeting with an online counselor or exploring more counseling resources at josh.org/find-help, if needed.
3. Check out josh.org/resolution for more resources about our new global initiative to help people overcome hurts and struggles, and thrive.
4. Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, or on our website and share how I can be praying for you.

Ben Bennett is an author and communicator with Josh McDowell Ministry. Learn more at www.Josh.org/Ben.

If you’ve heard of the Christian book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which was published several decades ago, you may have chuckled at the title of this blog post. The essence of that book was this idea: don’t date around, become exclusive with the first person you seem compatible with and pursue marriage. 

I believe many Christians have continued to be influenced by that idea. Many view dating as a tedious search to find the “right” spouse. So they jump into an exclusive relationship and put the pedal to the metal full force, quickly getting married. They don’t take the time to go on dates with different types of people. For some, it’s the fear of being perceived as a “player.” But some have gotten the idea, as the book suggests, that dating a lot of people isn’t biblical. 
I held many of these views until last year. Then I tried a new approach.

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For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.

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I Kissed Dating Hello

What did I do differently? I kissed casual dating hello.
I went on lots of dates. I committed to getting out there for a season, getting to know different kinds of women. I committed to enjoying the process, and to not looking for something serious for a season. I was totally up front with my dates about this journey. And I made sure that I had male friends to hold me accountable, and to help me process my experiences and learning.
One reason I began this journey was because up until this point in my life, I hadn’t dated much (besides that year in seventh grade when I had eight different “girlfriends,” although not at the same time!). Sure, I had been in a couple of serious relationships since then. But I never took the time to ask myself critical questions. Questions like, “Based on who God has made me, what might I need in a significant other?” and “How might I be attracted or not attracted to specific characteristics in others, in reaction to the hurts and unmet needs of my past?”
Throughout my dating last year, I also asked:

• “What do I find attractive about this woman? Is it healthy or unhealthy?”
• “Am I attracted to her because she has something I lack?”
• “Am I attracted to her because she reminds me of someone from my past, and I am somehow hoping to have a different outcome?”
• Am I not attracted because she reminds me of someone who has hurt me in the past?”

Broken Dating Picker?

Often, our attraction to others is not rooted in who we are, but deeply woven into the unresolved areas of our story.
For years, I found myself attracted to women who were more adaptable, passive, and quiet. This developed in reaction to my having been walked over by authority figures, and being hurt by women who were rigid. Out of self-protection, I attempted to avoid future hurt by going after women who weren’t dominant. My unhealthy attraction became the basis to determine if I dated someone or not — until I began to recognize this pattern. Only then did I learn to hold my own on dates with strong women, and to enjoy how God had created them.
In short, we tend to date from and in reaction to our emotional wounds in life. Until we do the hard work of addressing these unresolved areas of our life, we will continue to reenact them, hoping for a different outcome.

Going on many dates with women I normally would have stayed away from stretched me, grew me, and challenged me. I learned to relax and be present. I learned to focus much more on others, rather than questioning if they met the criteria I held as crucial for a future spouse. I became a lot more open to who I could consider being with.

As I went on dates last year, what I was attracted to began to expand as I saw the glory of God displayed in many types of women. I grew an appreciation and attraction for different personalities, physical characteristics, and values. It was so healing.

Dating provides us with an opportunity to understand why we are and aren’t attracted to certain people. To learn if we are instinctively choosing the wrong people for ourselves. Perhaps you’ve thought, “I’m not attracted to anyone that I also enjoy spending time with,” or “Things never work out.” Perhaps at this very minute you’re thinking, “God just hasn’t brought me the right person yet.” Hmmm….unless you’re hoping to marry the mailman or the person who delivers your Uber eats, you might want to rethink that expectation.
Of course, God could deliver “the one” to your front door. But He typically asks us to play an active part in the process. So let me encourage you to get out there. Introduce yourself to people in public and at events. Sign up for a dating app. Learn to be open, go on dates, and enjoy the process. Learn why you are/aren’t attracted to others, so that you figure how to date healthy and whole.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic. Please share your comments below.

Helpful Dating Tips

• Get rid of your mental list of requirements in a significant other and be open to the idea that you may not know what you need.
• Go on dates with different kinds of people. Don’t limit yourself to a type.
• Be wise and hold to your convictions.
• If you’re attracted to certain types of people, traits, and characteristics, ask yourself why. Is it healthy or unhealthy?
• If you’re turned off by certain types of people, traits, and characteristics, ask yourself why. Could it be your own fear, insecurity, or unresolved hurts from the past?
• Don’t go on first dates to find a spouse. Go to have fun, and learn about yourself and others. Pay close attention to your reactions, feelings, fears, and attractions.
• Be slow to become exclusive with someone. It’s easy to get swept away by the thrill of a new relationship, rather than being appropriately cautious as you slowly get to know someone. When you decide to get exclusive, date with the intention of moving toward marriage.
• Don’t over-spiritualize God’s call on your dating relationships. God’s will for you in dating and marriage remains the same as the rest of your life: ”For this is the will of God, your sanctification…” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

NEXT STEPS:

• For more on this topic, check out my dating article on the Pure Desire Ministries website.
• Aonther helpful articles on the Josh McDowell Ministry site: “Porn, Sexual Assault & Changing a Culture of #MeToo“
• The book Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is an excellent resource.
• This Q&A session with Priscilla Shirer (“What Men Wished Women Knew”) is very informative!

Ben is a speaker with Josh McDowell Ministry, helping individuals overcome hurts, unwanted behaviors, and thrive in life. Previously he served with the U.S. Campus Ministry of Cru as the Mid-Atlantic Regional Coordinator for sexual addiction recovery.

We live in a world full of stress, hurt, and things that were not meant to be. Regardless of our particular struggles, we all develop ways of dealing with stress and pain in our life — often through unhealthy choices. As I shared in my last blog post, I developed a number of compulsive behaviors to protect myself and cope with life. My addiction to food, constant fear and control, porn, and anger helped me to survive the chaos of life.
What are your coping mechanisms? Overwhelming fear? Binging on video games or Netflix? Excessive drinking? Control? Perfectionism? Overworking? Focusing too much on what you look like? The list seems endless, right?
Through identifying our specific unwanted behaviors and why we run to them, we can take steps to surrender them to Jesus. He desires to bring us healing, freedom, and to always meet our needs (Psalm 14:16). Let me share one tip for how I found freedom from my old destructive coping mechanisms.

Choosing to Be Proactive

As I said in Part 1 of this post, I truly believe that instead of accountability we need proactive and healing support.

This support incorporates assessing the precursors, stressors, emotions, and situations that tend to occur before we end up in our unwanted behaviors. This support involves creating a plan of action with safe people. It’s asking trusted friends to encourage us, and support us with specific challenges we are facing throughout the week. It’s knowing that with them, we won’t face condemnation but will be met with grace and truth. This support is about inviting others to help us understand why we do what we do, and to help us process the difficulties in life that trigger us to cope.

This type of support requires a proactive, daily choice. Trust me, I  know this first-hand.

In 1 John 1:7, we are instructed to walk in the light, having fellowship with others and being cleansed from all sin by Jesus.

We do not just “let go and let God.” We have been given an active role to play in addressing issues in our lives through the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:13). As we confess our sins to God and one another, sharing our hurts and struggles and asking for help, the Holy Spirit brings about growth and healing in our lives.

Why Proactive Healing Support Works

Proactive and healing support is not about behavior modification.

It is about inviting God and others to be part of healing the underlying hurts and unresolved areas of our stories that we’d rather avoid.

It’s easier to blame our sinful nature than to admit that we may be carrying hurt and unresolved shame that keeps us returning to unhealthy patterns. Click To Tweet

Proactive and healing support is also not limited to simply talking about sin or unhealthy choices in our lives.

It’s a daily lifestyle of reaching out for help to process the pain and stress in life that often influences the ways we cope. We must understand that our sin and unhealthy choices are not random. We sin because we are sinful, but we also sin because we have been sinned against and have developed ways to cope when that past pain gets triggered.

Through being proactive and gaining healing support, Jesus matures us into who He created us to be.

When we stop fighting the wrong battles and start implementing proactive and healing support, we can invite Jesus to do His greatest work in the rich soil through which He has designed healing and growth to take place. He helps us to overcome struggles and our unwanted behaviors. I know because He’s done it with me.

Take This Next Step

As uncomfortable as it can be, I encourage you to ask a couple of trusted friends to live a lifestyle of proactive and healing support with you. Commit to reaching out to each other throughout the week. Together, begin to identify the stressors and patterns that lead you each to make unhealthy choices.

I might suggest that you and the safe people in your life also study The FASTER Scale, a tool designed by Christian counselor Michael Dye, to stay aware of your emotional state and see temptation coming before it arrives. “FASTER” is an acronym for Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, and Relapse. The Scale is really helpful.

Ben Bennett is an author and communicator with Josh McDowell Ministry. Learn more at www.Josh.org/Ben.

Have you, as I have, experienced reactive and unhealthy accountability in your life? Have you found yourself hiding your struggles, or only sharing your unhealthy choices after you returned to them? Were you then shamed by others after you finally mustered up the courage to open up? In this post I address the difference between “accountability” and proactive, healing support. I’ve found that only the latter produces life-changing results.

What Is Biblical “Accountability”?

We throw the word “accountability” around frequently. We often use it in the context of one person asking another to make sure they do (or don’t do) something. The English word closest to “accountability” is “responsibility.” Think about that. When we ask others to hold us accountable, we’re asking them to be responsible. To help us to not return to unhealthy choices — or to follow through on healthy commitments, such as reading our Bible or loving others better.

But in the Bible, the word closest to accountability is “account.” The mentions of “account” have to do with someone giving an “account” of oneself to God (Romans 14:12, Matthew 12:36, Hebrews 4:13, 1 Peter 4:5). What the Bible is saying is that it is up to each of us, as individuals, to be accountable to God for our choices. It is not another person’s responsibility to hold us accountable. We each need to follow through and partner with God as He develops healthy desires and abilities within us.

A more accurate word for what we are designed to have may be “support”.

Some may argue this is semantics, but I think this is one reason why “accountability” is often reactive, unhealthy, and limiting to our growth.

Where Do We Find Healing?

Proactive and healing support involves a daily choice of reaching out for help, within a safe community, to process the pain and stresses that drive our thinking and behaviors. We have to recognize that we don’t just end up back in our unhealthy choices at the drop of a hat. We go through recurring patterns and cycles before ending back in the places we swore we’d never go again.

We begin to react to challenges, criticism, stress, and start believing lies and feeling emotions like anger, sadness, or fear. We then begin thinking of ways to cope with or escape these emotions. Often, these cycles of trigger and response operate at a subconscious level. They have been ingrained in us, leading to fixed brain pathways that we must intentionally renew.

What we need is help in these moments when our reactive thinking and emotions begin. We need support, encouragement, help, and love, to grow and overcome unhealthy choices. Fortunately, God has given us an incredible gift through the body of Christ to do life together in a much deeper way than we often do.

Safe Support Jumpstarts Our Healing

We have the option of experiencing health and healing as we live openly with safe people. Doing so helps us to understand why we return to destructive behaviors, and to steer ourselves well to prevent future harmful choices. Again, healing begins for us when we develop a lifestyle of reaching out rather than acting out.

I stayed trapped, for years, in porn addiction, a food addiction, deep anger, and a multitude of other struggles, as I practiced reactive and unhealthy accountability rather than proactive and healing support.

Sure, I had Internet-filtering software on my devices and an “accountability partner,” but this often just resulted in a weekly meeting with a friend to confess my slip-ups after living in isolation for another week. The conversation frequently ended with my futile commitment to try harder to not sin. Yes, it was a great start to confess my sin to others (as we are told to do in James 5:16), but I was seriously limiting my growth with only having those weekly interactions to help me gain healing.

Too, I was fighting the wrong battles. I focused primarily on my behavior and sin avoidance, rather than seeking healing and support for the underlying shame, emotional wounds, and unresolved areas in my life that had set me up to cope. To overcome these, I had to invite Jesus and others in every day to help me understand why I struggled and to understand the unresolved areas of my heart and mind that needed healing. Only then could I stop living reactively and experience healing and fulfillment. So rather than just confessing my anger to my “accountability partner,” I began seeking proactive and healing support for my anger. 

In doing so I discovered that my anger was fueled by the deep, gnawing fear that grew out of my experiencing frequent rejection by friends and family as a kid. As many of us do, I learned to protect myself with anger. As an adult, my lashing out got even worse. My simply trying harder to stop being angry only intensified my struggle.

Allowing Jesus to Partner With Us

To address the fears behind my anger and self protection, I had to allow the truth of who Jesus says I am to affect my thinking. As I began to trust His Word as I reached out to others to help me process my anger, it finally began to calm down. As I was freed up to be more centered and less reactive, I was able to love others better and let them in. 

When we invite Jesus and others in to help us, encourage us, and do life together, we can begin to understand our reactionary patterns of thinking and acting that set us up to return to unhealthy choices.

The healing and freedom we so desperately want and need is possible. It starts with safe, proactive, healing support — and the anticipation that Jesus can heal us, set us free, and help us to live the thriving life He created us for.  

Let’s rethink the accountability mentality as we seek proactive and healing support. Let’s shift our focus to owning our growth and partnering with God to experience healing and freedom. Stay tuned for part two of this post for practical steps to implement proactive and healing support.

Ben Bennett is an author and communicator with Josh McDowell Ministry. Learn more at www.Josh.org/Ben.

As I mentioned in my previous post, our shame and self-image plays a significant factor in the unhealthy thoughts and actions we struggle with on a daily basis. Many of us don’t yet see ourselves as God sees us, because we’re stuck in seeing ourselves as the world, friends, and even the haters see us (#HatersGonnaHate). We struggle to love our neighbor as ourself because we don’t love ourself (Matthew 22:39). We struggle to accept God’s love for us because we view life through the filter of our shame. 

Shame has been at the root of mankind’s struggle since day one, when sin entered the Garden of Eden. But Jesus can break the chains of shame. 

It took a proactive daily choice, and praying for God’s healing, to overcome my “worthless sinner” shame mentality. Jesus brought healing and freedom through the five steps I list below. I encourage you to take them, too.

1. Understand What God Says About You

I began to study and understand what God says about me through Scripture.

I learned that I have inherent value and dignity (Genesis 1:27), that I am loved for who I am (Ephesians 2:4), that I am uniquely gifted (1 Peter 4:10), and that I am here for a purpose (Ephesians 2:10). That Christ defeated not just sin, but the effects of sin on the cross — including shame. Jesus gave me a new identity as a son of God when I began a personal relationship with Him (1 John 3:1) and received His forgiveness for my wrongs. These understandings developed the mindset I needed for this truth to begin to sink deep into my heart.

2. Surround Yourself With People Who Affirm the Truth of Who God Says You Are

I began to surround myself with people who affirmed my true value, who loved me for who I was, and who accepted and encouraged me.

These affirming experiences helped the truth of my value in God’s eyes to sink into my head and heart.

3. Stop Listening to Certain Voices

I stopped listening to the voices of those who perpetuated the “worthless sinner” mentality in my life — including certain bible teachers, authors, bloggers, and friends.

If you listen closely, you’ll start to notice how many Christians teach that “humans are evil and bad,” rather than the Biblical truth which is “humans are broken.” When you start paying close attention, you’ll begin to realize how many obsess about sin and the old self (Romans 6:6), rather than putting their emphasis on our inherent value as the pinnacle of God’s creation (Genesis 1:26-27), His love for us, and our new identity as saints (Galatians 2:20, Colossians 1:11-13, Ephesians 2:18-20).

4. Cut the Trash-Talking Voice of Shame

I made the conscious decision to cut out the trash-talking voice of shame in my head.

For years, I had been turning inward on myself, letting my thoughts and emotions run wild. I routinely told myself negative things like, “Yeah, I guess I am worthless,” and “I can’t do anything right,” which only reinforced the deeply rooted lies. For years, when I felt really sad about myself or situations in my life, I’d just sit with it rather than confront the lies that lead to the deep sadness. How self-defeating was that?! I’m not sure how many lies Satan whispers to us, because we do a pretty good job of feeding them to ourselves.

5. Meditate on the Truth

I began meditating, morning and night, on specific verses about who God is and who I am as His loved, righteous, redeemed son.

Whenever the lies about myself came up, I’d take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to the truth of Christ in that scenario: who I am in Christ. For this to not simply be intellectual, but to sink into my heart, I visualized past experiences with God, where I had encountered His presence, love, and goodness.

Releasing Our Shame

Each of the above steps drew me closer to God, because I began to see Him for who He truly is: my loving Father. As my default view of myself began to change, I was freed up to share the love I was experiencing with others. As I got God’s eyes on me, I was able to get God’s eyes on other people.

I began to have more compassion and empathy for others. I desired more and more to share with people how much God loves them, and desires a deep personal relationship with them. I began to experience the life I was meant to live, one of deep friendship with God and others, being fully known and fully loved — and inviting others into this life of true fulfillment.

Which steps will you implement in your life this week, as you ask Jesus to grow you?

At the cross, Jesus overcame all shame. Period. Now, it’s only a matter of living into what is true. Take these steps as you ask Jesus to bring healing and freedom from shame. You’ll be freed up to experience a life of maximum satisfaction, because you’ll be living in your true value. You’ll encounter deeper love with God, self, and others.

Ben Bennett is an author and communicator with Josh McDowell Ministry, and the director of our Resolution Movement. Learn more at www.Josh.org/Ben.

For most of my life I believed I was a worthless sinner, only tolerated by God because of Jesus’ work on the cross.

Sure, I “knew” that God loved me, but I believed that I was still a “wretch” with minimal value.

Throughout my years in ministry, I’ve known many missionaries, college students, men, and women who also view themselves this way, whether consciously or subconsciously. Perhaps you default to holding a similar view? That, at a conscious level, you believe you have little to no value? That there’s something inherently wrong with who you are? That you’ll never fit in, and never measure up? That you’re a failure? And that God agrees, seeing no more value in you than the trash you threw out last night?

Even if you don’t consciously hold these views about yourself, they might still operate in your life on a subconscious level. Because throughout life, especially in our early years, we look to people’s actions and words to define our value.

Have you been bullied or rejected by others? Have you experienced conditional acceptance — gaining the approval of others only when you “performed” as they wanted you to? Perhaps you felt the rejection of a sibling who was constantly annoyed with you, or a parent who was physically or emotionally absent. Or, perhaps, as you were growing up, you weren’t allowed to express your opinions or they were belittled.

All of these scenarios, intentional or not, can communicate that we lack value, leading us to develop negative core beliefs about our worth. This, in a word, is shame – believing “I am bad” or that “something is wrong with who I am.”

Your Self-Image Is Revealed Through Your Actions

We reveal what we believe about ourselves through our thoughts and actions. Do you find yourself procrastinating on tasks, or getting overwhelmed and dreading failure? Do you find yourself getting angry when someone disagrees with, rejects, or embarrasses you? Do you fear conflict, or find yourself trying to make others happy and doing whatever it takes to “keep the peace”?

These reactions reveal negative core beliefs you hold about your worth, otherwise known as low self-worth or low self-esteem. If we’re honest, most of us would admit to struggling with our self-esteem to some extent. If we truly believed we are of great value, we would be steadfast in who we were created to be. We wouldn’t struggle so heavily with these scenarios that reveal our fears, anger, and ways of attempting to manage our value. So, is the solution to just try to develop better self-esteem?

Pop psychology tells us to just believe in ourselves; to essentially just try harder to think positively about ourselves. But there’s a significant problem with this method. What we desperately need is an objective and universal standard of value from an outside source, not a subjective source such as people’s opinions or even our own.

God Sets Your True Value

The solution to our struggle of knowing and accepting our worth comes from seeing ourselves as God sees us.

We need to truly believe, deep down in our heart, who God says we are. To live out of new core beliefs that change the way we think, behave, and operate. To know who we are as image bearers of God. To truly believe He specifically made each and every one of us to be unique. It’s why we all have different personalities, gifts, and talents (Psalm 139:13-14).

We are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), meaning that we, unlike animals or other aspects of creation, are given distinct dignity and value. The very breath of God breathed life into us, as human beings (Genesis 2:7). God created us and said, “It is very good” (Genesis 1:31). The entire earth has been entrusted to us to rule and reign over (Genesis 1:28).

When mankind chose to sin and turn away from God, the first thing God did was come after us to restore the broken relationship (Genesis 3:9). Our turning away from God never changed our worth or God’s love for us. Once sin entered the world and we were born sinful by nature (Psalm 51:5), we never ceased to be created in the image of God (Genesis 9:6). Our inherent value never changed. Amazing!

I love how Psalm 17:8 expresses God’s love and affection toward us. It says, “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” At face value, that may not seem to carry much weight. But the Hebrew word for “apple” literally means “little man.” When you stand close enough to someone, you see a tiny reflection of yourself in their pupils. You see yourself as the “apple” of their eyes. In this Psalm, David is saying this is who you are to God. You are the little man reflected in God’s eyes.

You are always in His vision. You are always the object of his affection and obsession. This is how much you are loved and valued.

God Doesn’t Just Tolerate You

Jesus didn’t go to the cross to be tortured, die, and defeat death for the sake of trash. In love, He went to the cross to redeem and restore a relationship that was lost. One of the most well-known verses in Scripture says it plainly, in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that He sent His only son…” God doesn’t merely tolerate or love you as a result of Christ’s work on the cross. Rather, His love was the fuel for Christ’s work. Whether or not we choose to follow Christ, God has radical love for us and deems us to be of great value.

When we seek forgiveness and reconciliation with God, we experience the thriving life we were meant to live. One of knowing God deeply and being known by Him. As a result of Jesus’ work on the cross, we are adopted into His family (Ephesians 1:5), approved of and accepted (Romans 15:7), made right in God’s eyes and blameless (Romans 3:28), becoming an indispensable part of His kingdom work (1 Corinthians 12:22).

We see this clearly when Jesus prayed to God the Father saying, “You sent me and loved them even as you loved me” (John 17:23b). What an amazing reality!

God: “You’re Not a Worthless Sinner”

Think about this: If we could get value from our performance, then Jesus died in vain.

Performance is the essence of man-made religion, which teaches us to “do good” in an attempt to be loved by God. But what Christianity teaches is that since we are already loved by God, we do good as a result. We don’t do good in order to earn God’s love, we do good in response to His amazing love. Attempting to perform to get our worth from others will always end in futility.

Jesus’ whole mission on earth was to live the perfect life that we could never live, fully obeying God the Father, and then die, taking the punishment and separation from God that we deserve as a result of our turning from God. Jesus already received the approval of God for us. It is done. Through Jesus, we can be fully loved and fully approved of by God.

Seek Him. He Loves You. You Were Made For This.

If you’re a Christian, rest in your value as an image-bearer, and your identity as a son or daughter adopted into His family. Dwell on who God says you are and how much He values you. You’re not defined by what you’ve done to yourself or others. And you’re definitely not defined by what’s been done to you.

You are not a worthless sinner. You’re defined ONLY by the value and identity God gives you. Meditate on times in your life where you have felt His love and experienced His acceptance.

If you’re not yet a follower of Jesus, you need to know God loves you, unconditionally, just as you are, and desires so much to be known by you. At this very moment, in fact, He is offering you an invitation to enter into a personal relationship with Him. He wants you to experience the depth of His love, to know and live into your purpose, and to experience His forgiveness. As 1 Timothy 2:4 says, God “desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

For more on knowing God personally, check out this really good info.

Ben Bennett is an author and communicator with Josh McDowell Ministry, and the director of the Ministry’s Resolution Movement.

More than ever, we live in an over-sexualized world. Daily we are bombarded with sexual content from the media, advertising, video games, internet, and movies. Reports of sexual misconduct are regularly in the news. Misconduct that takes place in our communities, amidst those we love, amongst us, not some distant world. It’s not unusual for friends and family members to share their stories of sexual assault and harassment.

So many, including myself, have faced atrocities. I can tell you about the times I experienced sexual harassment as a kid by older men, being “cat-called” and inappropriately grabbed. I can tell you about the time I was stalked by a pedophile in a rest stop bathroom, and couldn’t escape his voyeuristic behavior. I can tell you about the many men and women I love who have been raped or sexually abused, and how porn played a key role in the abuser’s life.

So many people are hurting and struggling. I have long been devastated and sick to my stomach about the cycles of sexual exploitation that continue daily. For years now I’ve been writing, speaking, and leading healing groups on the topic of working through hurts and overcoming compulsive behaviors. Our world needs hope, healing, and change. Our world needs Jesus and His culture-altering message.

The Problem: A Pornified Culture

The world is one tap away from hardcore pornography through tablets and smartphones. Why is this such a problem? Some of the truths about porn:

> Porn has become the primary sex educator for many people (including teens and pre-teens).
> Porn is directly responsible for fueling the use and abuse of others, as people become desensitized and begin to view others as mere commodities.
> Porn teaches that sexual pleasure is to be taken, not given.
> Similar to a drug, tolerance builds up in the brain after repeatedly viewing pornography. This often leads to the desire for more explicit and taboo forms of porn, the desire to act out scenarios, sexual aggression, and demeaning others through words and actions. Currently, one in three women and one in six men experience sexual assault in their lifetime. This is tragic and heartbreaking!
>Porn fuels sexual harassment, sexual abuse, misogyny, and systemic sexism.
> Pornography is strongly interlinked with the human trafficking industry globally. Many performers on film are victims of sex trafficking themselves, coerced into participation in sexual acts.

The Solution: Jesus & His Healing Design

Amid the challenges of our over-sexualized world, the need is greater than ever for sharing Jesus’ love and message of healing! 
Jesus has a lot to say about sex, healing, and thriving:

> God designed sex within a certain context for deep connection and maximum satisfaction.
(Matthew 19:4-6)
> Jesus came to heal our brokenness and to bind up our wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
> Jesus came to seek and save the lost. (Luke 19:10)
> Jesus came to set the captive free. (Luke 4:18)
> Jesus came to bring us an abundant, thriving life right here and now. (John 10:10)

We need a greater vision for sex – God’s vision for sex. And to share with others how they can be healed and set free from their experiences and struggles. Sadly, so many people are lost and trying to live with no universal truth or standard. They experience the damaging effects of that lifestyle, including sexual brokenness. But through Jesus’ design, we can truly thrive and heal, experience maximum satisfaction, and be protected from hurting others or being hurt.

Can We Turn the Tide on the Sexual Epidemic?

Yes! Jesus’ message of sexual wholeness meets one of the greatest needs of our day, offering light where darkness abounds! At Josh McDowell Ministry we’re working hard to disciple people in their faith and guide them into sexual wholeness. We define “sexual wholeness” as God’s thriving design for sex and sexuality.
The situation can seem overwhelming and hopeless. But there are solutions. We can start by asking these important questions:

> Are we helping people to understand how Jesus heals the brokenhearted in practical ways?
> Are we taking drastic measures in our churches and families to address these issues with both preventative and restorative means?
> Are we seeking help ourselves, getting healthy, and changing the systems that perpetuate sexual
brokenness?
> Are we teaching God’s design for sexual wholeness?
> Are we inviting others to know this Jesus who can make them whole as well?

We care deeply that all experience healing, come to understand God’s design for sexual wholeness, and learn the best preventative and restorative solutions to pornography use. Stay with us as we continue this critical conversation!

Helpful Resources:
> Josh McDowell Ministry Sex & Relationships resource page
> https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf
> https://fightthenewdrug.org/why-consuming-porn-is-an-escalating-behavior/#24
> https://www.culturereframed.org/researched-harms/
> https://www.huffingtonpost.com/johnhenry-westen/want-to-stop-sex-traffick_b_6563338.html

Ben Bennett is an author and communicator with Josh McDowell Ministry. Learn more at www.Josh.org/Ben.