When your child reaches their teenage years, it may seem that he or she doesn’t want or need your physical or emotional affection. But perhaps more than any time in their life, teenagers need the security of unconditional love from their parents.

Your Kids Just Want to Know They’re Loved

A young girl wrote these song lyrics about her absentee dad:

I wear your old clothes, your polo sweater. I dream of another you, the one who would never leave me alone to pick up the pieces — a daddy to hold me. That’s what I needed.

That young girl, Lindsay Lohan, would grow up to record those words in her song “Confessions of a Broken Heart.” She would perform in movies, be in and out of jail, go to rehab and struggle to “get her act together.” When we look beyond Lindsay’s erratic behavior, we see a girl in desperate search of her father’s love.

Another example: An extraordinarily talented 5-year-old boy was rehearsing songs with his four brothers for an upcoming TV special. The boys’ father was frustrated that the boys weren’t getting their parts just right. The little boy wanted clarification, so he addressed his father. “Daddy,” he began. Interrupting him, his father stated sternly, “I’m not your father right now. I’m your manager and don’t you ever forget it.”

Little Michael Jackson never did forget that moment. A few years before his death, Michael was speaking to students at Oxford University to his newly formed foundation, Help the Children. About fifteen minutes into his presentation he began to weep. After regaining his composure, Michael vulnerably shared: “I just wanted a dad. I wanted a father to show me love. But I never once heard my father say, ‘Michael, I love you.’”

More than fortune or fame. More than peer acceptance. More than anything else your kids can dream for. They mostly want to know you are there for them with unconditional love.

You don’t toss out your rules or lower your boundaries to protect them. Your kids need those rules and boundaries to feel secure. But they also need your rules and boundaries within the context of your loving relationship. The power of your love will be the motivating factor in their being able to make sound moral choices.

Demonstrate Your Unconditional Love

Here’s a suggestion: Go to your child or teenager right now and surprise them with a big hug. As you wrap your arms around them, tell them, “I love you.” Commit to letting them see you model your love every day. As you do, you will provide the security that you really are there for them with unfailing love.

Your loving relationship can empower your kids to believe right, embrace godly values, and live in ways that honor Him. That’s the power of love.

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> Need to talk to your kids about sex? Check out this bonus Chapter from Josh McDowell’s book Hablando Claro.

> Check out the other parenting resources in our store.

> Want to hear Josh’s story of how he overcame his own difficult childhood? Click here to  learn about Josh’s journey!

 

It’s okay to not be okay. But it’s están okay to stay there.

I walked into Christian churches, concerts, and events for years with the goal of performing. As a pastor’s son, I thought I had an image to uphold, so I acted like I had my life together. I believed in performance-based acceptance. As long as I acted like I wasn’t sinning, everything was “good.” If my relationships with God and others were great, I believed that people would like and accept me. 
But I didn’t have my life together. I was incredibly lonely, sinning with pornography, and feeling distant in my relationships. I was terrified that if someone found out who I was, they would reject me and expose my sin. I believed Satan’s lie that I was not enough. Thoughts flowed through my head as I labeled myself “unloveable,” “unworthy,” and a “failure.” I not only believed these false labels in the context of my human relationships, but in my relationship with God Himself. 
I had hidden sin, in the place we are supposed to have the freedom to expose and confess our sin. But I felt like I needed to fake it, even in church, to be accepted. Can you relate?

Durante 60 años, Josh McDowell ha estado guiando a los interesados hacia un conocimiento más profundo de la verdad y el poder de Dios. Te ofrecemos nuestro conocimiento acumulado e investigaciones para ayudarte a encontrar la verdad y el estímulo para vivir una vida sana e íntegra en Cristo.

Imposter Syndrome

I think that we are subtlety told through the media that we need to be perfect. We live in constant comparison with others, believing they are better than us. Men are told they need to be strong and tough. Women are told they need to support and be perfect. We follow others we look up to, assuming they have it all together. Instead of giving us motivation to become better, this comparison tears us down. It reinforces that who we are is not good enough, and never will be.
I have even seen this in the Church, and I’m sure you have, too. No matter how much I tried to perform and be like a pastor, or influential leader, I still failed. No matter how much I read my bible and prayed, I still sinned. The lie is that if we have a good relationship with Christ, we won’t struggle or fail. If we are thriving, we won’t be failing.
Have you ever heard the expression “Fake it till you make it”? It’s the Imposter Syndrome. It says, “Don’t let anyone find out who you really are, because you won’t make it if they know who you really are.” 

But here is the reality: we are not good enough on our own! This is why Jesus came.

Okay to Not be Okay

When we understand the grace we have been given, the true nature of the Gospel, it becomes okay for us to not be okay. We can understand our sin, but also understand the Savior who paid for it.  Check out my friend Matt’s article on the guilt we feel, even when we are forgiven.
Sometimes it takes confession to realize that it’s okay to not be okay. Through years of porn addiction, I had built up the belief that it was están okay to están be okay. But in a moment of brokenness fueled by hope, I reached out and trusted others with my sin. When I admitted that I was not okay, I was met with love, understanding, and acceptance. I wasn’t rejected, like I thought I would be. This is when I learned that I could share my struggles, and not be looked down upon for them.
But there was a second lesson I learned: It is empathetically okay not to be okay, but when that okay hinders us from something that may better us, it’s not okay.

Christ Calls Us To More

The initial moment of confession, expressing our brokenness to another person is huge. But it should not end there. This life will throw many problems and pains at us. Maybe it’s divorced parents, a pandemic, difficult people, or sin. When we begin to open up about our pain, and process it with others, we are taking the second step to not stay that way.
To grow to become the person Christ created us to be, we must first confess, then process our sin and pain. Christ promises forgiveness in 1 Juan 1:9. But stopping there often does not produce the relational and emotional healing we desire. Santiago 5:16 promises healing when we confess and pray for each other.
Our sin has consequences that we must deal with. We need to process the pain, understand the root of the issue, and take steps to remove ourselves from the problem. It is always tempting for us to isolate in fear. But we should run to others, with the hope of being met with love. 

Dealing With Sin and Pain

To begin my journey of confession and repentance, I needed permission. It took following authentic people who told me that I could be real. I sat for years hidden in my shame and guilt, believing the lie that I was not good enough. I showed up to church weekly lying about my great life. But when the authentic people opened up around me, and told me that it was okay not to be okay, I gave it a shot. I confessed to God, confessed to others, and began to repent from my sin.

Practical steps for dealing with sin and pain:

~ Take it to God in confession. Be real and share your true emotion.
~ Take it to others in confession and conversation. Be honest.
~ Process it. Name the fears, the sin, and talk through it with others. This is repentance.

That initial moment of opening up was terrifying for me. And it might feel terrifying to you. But don’t let your fear stop you. Confession is your first step to freedom. Here is your permission: it’s okay not to be okay, but don’t stay that way.
Jesus has paid for your sin in full, and God looks at you through Christ’s death. When you accept that good news, you become as white as snow in His eyes. So confess, repent, and experience health and freedom. Take the first step of confession!

We Care!

• May we pray for you? It would be our honor to walk alongside you. Comparta tus necesidades con nosotros..
• Would you like to know more about my story? Heridas, Vergüenza y Aislamiento: Mi historia
• What does true freedom look like? Viviendo Libre de Adicciones

AUSTIN IS PART OF THE SPEAKING TEAM AT JOSH MCDOWELL MINISTRY.

Solutions For Five Main Challenges of Young People’s Wholeness.
Lo que Josh McDowell y Ben Bennett han descubierto

La Generación Z (aquellos nacidos entre 1999 y 2015) está luchando hoy, y pocos entienden por qué o qué hacer al respecto. La investigación revela cinco desafíos comunes y, aunque no son nada nuevo, los datos recientes muestran que los jóvenes los experimentan en mayor número que nunca:

• Problemas de salud mental (contenido en inglés)
• Vergüenza y heridas emocionales
• Uso de la pornografía (contenido en inglés)
• Soledad
• Falta (contenido en inglés) de una cosmovisión bíblica

En Resolución (contenido en inglés) (a new initiative from Josh McDowell Ministry), Josh and I have started the Podcast de Resolució to deal with these issues directly. We reexamine what God says in His Word, along with what we’ve learned from brain science, to find ways to help young people learn how to heal, thrive and live in wholeness.
Below are key takeaways from our first conversation. You can watch it here in this video, or listen to it wherever you like to listen to podcasts.

Let’s look at the five issues and explore how they’re impacting Generation Z.

Issue #1: Mental Health Issues

Last year, Pew Research found that 70 percent of teens say anxiety and depression are major issues among their peers. Another study from JAMA Pediatrics reported that between 2007 and 2015, emergency room visits for suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide doubled among children and teens.
There’s no one root cause, but two things have happened that at least correlate with this statistic.
First, the introduction of the iPhone isolated children and gave them unfettered access to potentially damaging information. Second, kids with a disconnected father tend to have higher rates of depression. When taken together, the situation is potentially explosive.

Issue #2: Emotional Wounds

We recently asked close to three hundred pastors and leaders about common issues the teens in their ministries face. They told us, overwhelmingly, that these young people deal with emotional wounds, a negative self-image, and above all, shame.
As Josh began to see these trends, he spent an entire year thinking deeply about why young people experience so much shame. He saw that shame diminishes a child’s respect for authority, their desire to spend time with friends, and even the normal drive to connect with the opposite sex.

Issue #3: Porn Use

We’ve come to believe that, among other isolating factors, the pervasive use of porn drives these emotional wounds higher. Porn affects how young people view themselves, and increases the struggle for acceptance already prevalent during the teen years.
The majority of men and women — 91.5 percent of men and 60 percent of women — regularly seek out porn at least once monthly! When Josh and I spoke all over the world, we discovered that the majority of todas teens, Christian or not, are caught in the grips of porn.
In our experience, too many parents and Christian leaders ignore the issue. Josh recalls, “Parents come to me and say, ‘Look, Josh, you don’t understand. My kids are good kids … they’re not going to look for porn.’”
But if kids have access to smartphones, porn can too easily find them! The porn industry is aggressively targeting our kids, even when our kids aren’t looking for it.

Issue #4: Loneliness

Cigna, a major health insurance company, recently found that members of Gen Z are lonelier and feel more left out than Millennials, Baby Boomers, and the Greatest Generation. Young people can connect freely through the Internet, yet they feel more isolated than ever. 
Compared with the youth of previous decades, today’s teens are socializing less in person. They are less likely to go to movies or parties, hang out with friends, or date. Instead, often they’re alone on a Friday night on their smartphone.

Issue #5: Lack of a Biblical Worldview

Finally, we learned that today’s youth are growing up with the least biblical worldview in American history. Barna Group found that only 4 percent of Generation Z have a truly Christian worldview.
As Josh says, “A worldview is simply how you view the world.” Our worldview, then, affects how we see ourselves and others. It affects every relationship we have. It affects how we behave and the choices we make.
And this generation doesn’t view truth as objective — but entirely subjective, based on every person and every situation. The result? What Josh calls “spiritual individualistic morality.”
Christians know that it is God, alone, who defines truth. We need His truth to operate effectively in this world. Living our lives from subjective truth will do us irreparable harm. We must correct our view to gain God’s perspective.

Parents and Leaders: You Can Help

Some believe Gen Z to be the most broken generation in American history. But brokenness isn’t a barrier for God — it’s a bridge to Jesus’ healing work. We must help this generation, through practical steps, to understand how Jesus brings healing. 
Parents and Christian leaders, intentionally engage with the young people in your life:

• Listen to young people carefully and without judgment
• Ask questions and let them respond
• Stay involved in their lives
• Find things to do together
• Be a safe person and share truth in love

As you can see, these issues are huge. That’s why Josh McDowell Ministry has jumped into this arena to do something about it through Resolution. We need to help our youth to learn who God says they are, and to experience wholeness. We can help them to love God, themselves, and others. To develop healthy relationships.
We invite you to join us in the Movimiento de Resolución! (contenido en inglés)!

Ben Bennett
Director, Resolution

Subscribe to the Resolution Podcast wherever you listen: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or YouTube. In the coming weeks we’ll be discussing healing through the Bible and brain science!

I (Josh) was recently speaking with the youth pastor of a large church. I asked what he thought the number one epidemic is among youth. “Loneliness,” he replied. “I don’t know a kid in my youth group who isn’t struggling with it.” These were Christian kids with mostly Christian parents who loved them, yet somehow they all felt so alone and were hurting.

A few years ago, I (Ben) was mentoring a Christian student named Eric who was struggling with anger, poor self-image, and pornography. All the while, Eric was attempting to lead Bible studies, share his faith with others, and stop returning to his struggles. He wanted so badly to be free, and to overcome these issues that prevented him from loving others and enjoying life. Eric tried talking to his ministry directors, and memorizing Scripture about why anger and lust are wrong, but things didn’t get better. His faith was having little impact on his day-to-day struggles.
These are just two of the many stories we have witnessed around the globe in recent years.

Even before COVID-19, countless people were experiencing hurts and struggles at devastating rates. Many are struggling to survive, let alone thrive and experience the abundant life Jesus promises. We consistently hear of Christian influencers and leaders making headlines for their mistreatment of others, getting caught up in immoral choices, and struggling to live and lead from a place of wholeness. It’s common to witness our friends, Christian or not, struggling with their self-image, being reactive or defensive in relationships, and coping with stress through escapist behaviors.
Even those who hold deep Christian beliefs struggle to live in victory due to their painful life experiences. This, in turn, prevents them from experiencing the thriving life Christ has for them. It also prevents them from inviting others into a vibrant experience with Jesus.

Young People Are Struggling

Young people are really struggling as these statistics show:

• 70% of teens say anxiety and depression are major problems amongst their peers.
• Those ages 16 to 24 are 63 times more lonely than those over 75 years old.
• Only 4% of Gen Z hold to a biblical worldview.
• 76% of men and women ages 18-24 regularly seek out porn.
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people.

I (Josh) experienced many of those struggles growing up. I endured an abusive and alcoholic father and a critical mother. And I was raped by a farmhand for seven years; the first time at just six years old. These experiences ultimately led to doubts about God, anger, and fear that I’d never be able to love or be loved. My childhood led me to develop unhealthy patterns that continued for decades.

I (Ben) also experienced many struggles as a child and teen. My parents were in full-time ministry with a large Christian organization, yet my dad was often angry, distant, and abusing alcohol. As I grew up, I lived in fear of him and struggled to fit in anywhere. By the age of eight, I was riddled with mental health issues, and a sense of worthlessness. Eventually I became addicted to food and porn. I began dealing with suicidal thoughts. I wondered if anyone would care if I ceased to exist. Yet all the while I was attending church, involved in youth groups, and reading my Bible. I suffered in silence and learned to hide what I was going through for fear of what others might say.

If the church is not whole and thriving, it will struggle to be relevant and offer the hope of the Gospel to the world around it.

They’re also asking, “How does Christianity offer a life of wholeness here and now?” These questions directly relate to their hurt and brokenness that need answers.

There Is Great Hope

Medical and mental health professionals confirm that much of the dysfunction and disconnectedness we experience in life stems from unaddressed or unresolved relational and emotional hurts. And the Bible confirms this as well. These hurts leave us with unfulfilled God-given longings that we seek to fulfill through unhealthy behaviors. Yet, our struggles aren’t random; they’re signals that when answered, can pave our way towards a thriving life.

When we experience the fulfillment of our God-given needs and longings (things like acceptance, love, affirmation, safety) by God and others, we start to heal at a root level. Just as negative experiences of unmet longings lead to unwanted behaviors, positive experiences of met longings lead to healing and thriving.
In the face of these challenges, there is great hope. Both of us have experienced freedom and healing through biblical, time-tested, and research-supported principles. We have witnessed God use these principles in the lives of tens of thousands of others and developed something we’ve deemed The Wholeness Apologetic–a biblical understanding of how we heal from brokenness, overcome struggles, and return to a life of wholeness. It’s time for these principles to be made accessible to the masses and for the church to see a movement of wholeness. It’s time for a Resolution.

Join The Resolution Movement

I (Josh) and Resolution Director, Ben Bennett, have started a worldwide movement to address these problems through a combination of neuroscience and the changeless truth of the Bible.
Even though we couldn’t have foreseen COVID-19 when we began planning the launch of Resolution a few years ago, it is amazing how God sovereignly orchestrated this content. Not only is Resolution relevant to the current state of our culture in 2020, but it is even more relevant in our new normal of sheltering in place, social distancing, and the rise of struggles many are experiencing due to COVID-19.

Through live events, a podcast, YouTube videos, and social/web presence, youth, parents, and youth leaders are equipped with biblical truth and brain science to overcome struggles and experience a thriving life with Christ and others.
Will you join the Resolution and help others find hope, healing, and freedom?
Here’s how:

• Mark your calendar for the launch of the Podcast de Resolució on May 4, 2020. Listen, rate, review, and share the podcast.
• Check out resolutionmovement.org for more info and resources!
• Share the Resolution Movement on social media. Use the Resolution Media Kit for images to post about the movement. Use the below sample post descriptions as a guide, with the provided hashtags:

Youth are facing high levels of anxiety, loneliness, and shame.  The @ResolutionMovement combines biblical truth and brain science to help them find freedom! #resolutionmovement #struggles #teen #youthministry
I’m excited to be part of the @ResolutionMovement launching 5/4 with @benvbennett and @joshdmcdowell. Check it out!
resolutionmovement.buzzsprout.com
#resolutionmovement #struggles #teen #youthministry
Our struggles aren’t random; they’re signals that, when answered, can pave our way towards a thriving life. @resolutionmovement #resolutionmovement #struggles #teen #youthministry
We are facing a global epidemic. Many are hurting, lonely, and struggling, but not finding the biblical answers available to them. @resolutionmovement #resolutionmovement #struggles #teen  #youthministry

Mark your calendar for the world launch of the Podcast de Resolució on May 4, 2020. Invite your friends to listen in!

Greater economic hardship. Relational disconnection. Loss of loved ones. Uncertainty. Job loss. Xenophobia. Racism. Lack of safety. The effects of COVID-19 are endless, and ruthless. These effects not only threaten our physical health, but our mental, relational, and spiritual health. They threaten our ability to win mentally and emotionally.

Continue reading, or click here to watch video.

No matter what you are facing during this time, you are not alone. You were not meant to be alone. You were never intended to experience this reality. You were made to thrive, created in the likeness of God with infinite worth, designed for healthy connection with Him and others. You were designed to experience the assurance of safety, to know that everything will be ok.
But the reality is that what we are experiencing in our world today doesn’t fit that bill, that need, that longing. So what do we do in this time of loss, pain, and hurt? How do we process what we are experiencing, to not cave to our anxiety, hopelessness, and pain? How do we choose health, rather than merely coping by binging Netflix or endlessly scrolling social media, overeating/drinking, or viewing pornography? How do we navigate our pain, loss, and uncertainty? How do we find a way to move forward and thrive?

After years of personally experiencing anxiety, emotional turmoil, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts before finding hope and healing, I want to share the process that has helped me win mentally and emotionally.

This process shouldn’t be rushed, and sometimes taking weeks or even years. But I want to lay this out to encourage you and remind you that there is hope. Things will get better! There is a way to limit the pain you are experiencing. Not in a way that minimizes it, but in a way that helps you to not be alone, or fall into the lies and traps of our enemy.

1. Grieve Loss From COVID-19

The losses during this time are immense. Loss of financial income, death of loved ones, uncertainty, disconnection from others, loss of normal routines, activities, and hobbies, to name a few. The pain you are experiencing is real. Be honest with yourself about your fears, feelings, questions, hurts, and struggles. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to grieve and mourn the reality of what you are experiencing.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” It’s okay to not have it all together and to mourn. In fact, it is healthy to do so. I’m reminded of how Jesus wept in John 11 when His friend Lazarus died. If He, God, took time to feel and grieve, how important is it for us?
I encourage you to write down the losses you are experiencing. Let yourself feel those emotions. Sit with them and talk to God about them. Be honest with Him about your hurt, frustrations, and questions. Visualize Him being with you and comforting you.

2. Identify The Messages

Loss, painful experiences, and uncertainty lead to messages we start to believe. But these messages are often not true. Maybe you’re experiencing economic hardship–you’ve lost your job or business has slowed down. What messages have you started to believe from those experiences? Perhaps, “God doesn’t care about me,” “I’m not good enough or gifted enough because others weren’t laid off but I was,” or “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t provide for my family. I’m inadequate.”
Maybe you’ve experienced loneliness because friends, family, and co-workers haven’t reached out to you, and you feel disconnected. What messages have you believed here? Is it “People don’t care about me,” “I’m unwanted,” or “I must not matter.” Lies and losses come in all shapes and sizes.
This has been the enemy’s tactic since day one in the Garden of Eden. To twist the truth, deceive us, and get us to believe lies about God, ourselves, and others. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve fell for a lie from the enemy and disobeyed God’s command to not eat of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
They ate the fruit and were immediately filled with shame, believing not just that they had done wrong, but that they were wrong. The lie that started about God, ended in a lie about themselves, too. The enemy wants to use whatever he can to get us to believe lies, often using our losses and painful experiences. Let us not be unaware of this key tactic in our lives.

3. Reframe The Messages

What is the truth about your current situation?  For example, in economic hardship, remind yourself that events are taking place that are out of your control. Remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Remember that God will provide for you, because you are so valuable to Him.
In loneliness, remind yourself that Jesus said, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Remind yourself that in Christ you are a beloved child of God (1 John 3:1), chosen and wanted (John 15:16), and God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), whether others acknowledge that. But also remember that others may feel lonely or unwanted as well, and that you have the opportunity to reach out to them so that both of your needs are met.
Sit with God and experience this truth intellectually and emotionally. Savor what it feels like to be loved, accepted, and adequate. Come back to these truths and experience them when sadness, shame, or the lies surface again.

4. Connect With Others

Share with safe people the losses and pain you are experiencing. Connecting with others releases dopamine and oxytocin in our brains, leading to a sense of connection and satisfaction. It also affirms the reality that we are not alone and that we are understood. Text or FaceTime a friend or loved one. Go for a walk with someone you know, with appropriate social distancing. Schedule an online meeting with a therapist, coach, or mentor, if needed. 
Remember, we need one another. In the creation account God said that it was not good for Adam to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Hebrews 10:25 goes so far as to instruct us to “not neglect meeting together,” because of how important relational and spiritual connection is for each of us. 

5. Hold on to Hope

Think back on challenges you’ve faced in the past and how God got you through them. You’re still here. You’re reading this. You made it through! Think of how you might be able to help others through their struggles in the future, because of your own. Try to get a vision of what God might do in your life through this.
Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, showcases the power of a future vision. Frankl found the strength to continue fighting for his life in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. Overworked, underfed, struggling to survive the bitter cold winter, with friends dying all around him, he began to envision one day being free from the concentration camp, lecturing to crowds on the psychology of concentration camps. All of his challenges became experiences that informed his future work. He found purpose in his pain, and a greater reward to strive for.
In contrast, those who lost hope around Frankl began deteriorating, succumbing to illness and mental breakdowns, losing the will to go on, and surrendering to hopelessness and death. Frankl survived, eventually being liberated by American soldiers. He went on to write books, earn his Ph.D., and give lectures all over the world.
We also witness the power of vision in the life of Jesus in Hebrews 12:2, who “for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.” That joy was receiving “all authority on heaven and earth” (Matthew 28:18) and giving you and I the “right to become children of God” (John 1:12).
You can take heart because Jesus sees you, cares, and mourns with you. He has overcome the world (John 16:33), is ruling and reigning over all that is going on in this time (Psalm 47:8), and will one day make all things right and new (Revelation 21).

Lastly, let me encourage you to take these next steps to win mentally and emotionally during COVID-19.

1. Work through the five step process in this article, starting with one loss or painful experience.
2. Consider meeting with an online consejero en línea (contenido en inglés) o explorar más recursos de asesoramiento en https://josh.org/encuentra-ayuda, if needed.
3. Check out josh.org/resolution for more resources about our new global initiative to help people overcome hurts and struggles, and thrive.
4. Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, or on our sitio and share how I can be praying for you.

Ben Bennett es autor y comunicador del Ministerio Josh McDowell. Obtén más información en www.Josh.org/Ben.

Necesitamos autenticidad, dentro de relaciones saludables, para encontrar la libertad de convertirnos en las personas que Dios quiere que seamos.

Hace unos años, Josh McDowell nos reunió al equipo de oradores del ministerio a sentarnos con su amigo, el Dr. Henry Cloud, un gigante en el mundo de la consejería. Es posible que hayas visto el nombre del Dr. Cloud en la parte posterior de uno de sus muchos libros vendidos a nivel internacional, incluida su Límites Serie..

Como señala el Dr. Cloud en su libro Cambios que Curan (Changes That Heal), , “Cada semana veo a cristianos que sufren una gran variedad de problemas emocionales: ansiedad, soledad, dolor por relaciones deshechas, resentimiento y sentimientos de insuficiencia. A menudo, han estado luchando con estos problemas durante años. Son personas que sufren”.

Algunos aprenden a ocultar ese dolor tan bien, durante años, que nadie lo ve. A pesar de que está a la vanguardia de nuestras mentes cada minuto. Y cada uno de esos minutos vivimos con miedo de que nos descubran.

Durante 60 años, Josh McDowell ha estado guiando a los interesados hacia un conocimiento más profundo de la verdad y el poder de Dios. Te ofrecemos nuestro conocimiento acumulado e investigaciones para ayudarte a encontrar la verdad y el estímulo para vivir una vida sana e íntegra en Cristo.

Estamos diseñados para las relaciones

Mientras el Dr. Cloud nos enseñaba sobre el desarrollo de relaciones saludables, nos ofreció un modelo bíblico para abordar estas luchas. Realmente abrió nuestras mentes con su investigación, conocimiento y sabiduría. Pero lo que más me impactó durante nuestro tiempo juntos fue darme cuenta de cuánto se preocupa por las personas, incluso por mí.

Casi al final de nuestra sesión de capacitación, el Dr. Cloud nos entregó a cada uno de nosotros un libro titulado El poder del otro, (The Power of the Other). Nos dijo que si lo leíamos sería algo revolucionario y cambiaría las reglas del juego. Más tarde cuando lo abrí, me enfrenté a esta afirmación: 

“Sólo hubo una cosa que provocó el cambio… las relaciones. Lo que realmente provoca el cambio en las personas, y las cura, son las relaciones “.

Esta declaración es muy importante, por su fundamento. En conclusión: para que alguien pueda hablar en nuestra vida, primero debemos sentir que se preocupa por nosotros. Podemos elegir entre los mejores recursos, libros y herramientas para “arreglarnos” nosotros mismos, pero al final, la fuerza curativa que nos ayuda a cambiar son las relaciones saludables. Personas que se preocupan por nosotros. Personas dispuestas a ofrecernos su compañía y gracia.

Piensa en tus pasatiempos. Quizás te guste surfear, esquiar, los videojuegos o los juegos de mesa. Claro, es divertido hacerlo solo. Pero sé que prefiero surfear con mis amigos que solo. Hacer cosas con mis amigos me hace sentir realizado porque las disfrutamos juntos. Incluso si estamos en un período inesperado de “distanciamiento social” como el que nos encontramos ahora, todavía necesitamos relaciones.

En lo más interno de nuestro ser, creo que todos sabemos esto: anhelamos las conexiones humanas. Incluso los que son más introvertidos o antisociales entre nosotros necesitan conexiones. ¿Conoces a alguien a quien no le gusten las personas en particular, pero que tienen una o más mascotas? Están satisfaciendo su necesidad de conexión.

La Biblia da una muy buena explicación de por qué anhelamos tener relaciones con los demás. En pocas palabras, Génesis 1 nos dice que hemos sido creados para la intimidad con Dios. Génesis 2 agrega que también somos creados para la intimidad con los demás. 
Pero aquí está el truco: las relaciones solamente funcionan cuando son saludables. Mentir y manipular hacen dos cosas: estresan e hieren las relaciones.

Pero en las relaciones saludables, la autenticidad, la vulnerabilidad, la intimidad y el altruismo nos acercan. En las relaciones saludables podemos identificar y lidiar con nuestras emociones. En las relaciones saludables, podemos superar nuestro dolor. Estando en relaciones saludables podemos compartir las partes ocultas de nosotros mismos, guiados por el Espíritu Santo.

El peso de la desconexión

Uno de los puntos que el Dr. Cloud compartió con nuestro equipo es que nuestro corazón tiene dos deseos básicos: ser conocido y amado por completo. Realmente me encanta lo que dice el Dr. Timothy Keller, un renombrado orador y pastor en la ciudad de Nueva York, sobre la alegría de ser plenamente conocido:

“Ser amado pero no conocido es reconfortante pero superficial. Ser conocido y no amado es nuestro mayor temor. Pero ser plenamente conocido y verdaderamente amado es, bueno, muy parecido a ser amado por Dios. Es lo que necesitamos más que nada. Nos libera de la pretensión, nos baja las pretensiones de creernos correctos en todo y nos fortalece para cualquier dificultad que la vida nos pueda presentar ”. 

Cuando estamos perdidos en la adicción, la soledad y el dolor, sentimos el peso de la desconexión. Cuando no somos completamente conocidos o amados por completo dentro de las relaciones saludables, sentimos el peso de la desconexión. Personalmente luché con esta desconexión durante 11 años, cuando era un adicto a la pornografía..

Mientras que por fuera parecía tenerlo todo bajo control, estaba dolido y herido por dentro. Escondí desesperadamente esta parte de mí, incluso de mi familia que me quiere mucho, porque tenía miedo de ser rechazado.

Quiero que reflexiones sobre esta afirmación por un minuto, hasta que realmente la internalizes: cuando eres un 99 por ciento conocido, pero aún eres un 1 por ciento desconocido, eres completamente desconocido..

“Pero ser plenamente conocido y verdaderamente amado es, bueno, muy parecido a ser amado por Dios”. ~ Dr. Timothy Keller

Viviendo en nuestro 1 por ciento

Cuando escuché por primera vez este concepto de Matt Chandler (contenido en inglés), pastor de The Village Church en Dallas, Texas, era escéptico de su verdad. Pero al compararlo con mi experiencia personal y la experiencia de otros que conozco, me di cuenta de que es válido.

Si es escéptico, este es el resultado final: no se trata tanto del porcentaje, sino del principio de la declaración. Cuando no nos sentimos plenamente conocidos, no nos sentimos plenamente amados o aceptados.

Durante años compartí la mayor parte de mi vida con otros. Pero oculté mi adicción a la pornografía, lo que impedía que alguien me conociera por completo. Estaba consumido por la culpa y la vergüenza, pero aprendí a actuar como si todo todo estuviera bien. Me costó mucho esfuerzo. Y me mantuvo con miedo.

Filtre todo a través de esa culpa y vergüenza. Cuando alguien me felicitaba por algo, pensé que se retractaría de su declaración si supieran acerca de mi pecado oculto. Si una persona me decía que me amaba o me valoraba, no lo creía. Porque no me conocían del todo. Cuando somos desconocidos incluso en un 1 por ciento, vivimos como si fuéramos completamente desconocidos. Colocamos muros de fachada para protegernos.

La autenticidad conduce a la libertad

Pero Jesús busca nuestra honestidad. En nuestros fracasos, Él quiere ver un progreso en nuestro arrepentimiento del pecado, no en nuestra perfección. Lo que le importa a Él son las acciones que tomamos cuando pecamos. Desafortunadamente, hay un problema en la Iglesia. Demasiadas personas tienen la idea de que tienen que estar “bien” todo el tiempo.

Crecí en la iglesia; soy hijo de pastor. Interioricé el mensaje de que el cristiano ideal ora continuamente, estudia la Palabra, evangeliza a todos y es santo todo el tiempo. Es por eso que vemos a tantos cristianos temerosos de admitir su pecado. Pero si aceptamos esta mentira de perfección, todo lo que podemos ver es nuestro pecado y fracaso.

Sí, podemos intentar satisfacer nuestro deseo de ser amados y aceptados retratando una versión falsa de nosotros mismos, como lo hice durante casi una década. La gente nos aceptará por montar un espectáculo, pero ¿ocultar una parte de nosotros nos acercará más? No. Como descubrí, me trajo más dolor. Me odiaba a mi mismo.

Pero una de las mayores fuentes de curación en mi recuperación de la adicción a la pornografía fue mi decisión de ser 100 por ciento vulnerable con las personas que amo y en las que confío. Tenía tanto miedo de hacerlo, pero cuando finalmente corrí la cortina de mi basura a mis padres, me ofrecieron lo que Jesús también ofrece: gracia incondicional y aceptación. Elegir ser 100% auténtico me ha permitido entablar relaciones saludables que me han acercado más a Dios y a los demás.

Ahora es tu turno. ¿Cuál es el 1 por ciento que lte está aislando de la gente? ¿Qué necesitas para dejar de esconderte, para que puedas comenzar a caminar en el perdón de ti mismo y la gracia? Te animo a que compartas tu carga con personas de tu confianza..

¿Te preocupa lo que pensarán de ti? Si es alguien en quien confías para que te ame, supongo que no te repudiarán ni te echarán a patadas. Apuesto a que su respuesta será algo como esto: “Oye, gracias por ser honesto”. Santiago 5:16 declara que cuando nos confesamos nuestros pecados y oramos el uno por el otro, seremos sanados. Sé que este versículo es cierto porque lo estoy viviendo.

Si puedo alentarte más, deja un comentario a continuación. Dios te ama incondicionalmente. No crea que tu pecado pueda cambiar eso.

PRÓXIMOS PASOS:

• ¿Quieres que el Ministerio de Josh McDowell ore por ti? Comparta tus necesidades con nosotros..
• ¿Quién dice Dios que eres? Consulta la participacion de Ben Bennett en este artículo.
• Consulta la investigación de Josh sobre la epidemia de la pornografía.
• Echa un vistazo a nuestro Movimiento de Resolución. Hacer clic aquí.

Austin sirve como orador en el Ministerio de Josh McDowell. Recién graduado de la Escuela de Teología Talbot, Austin y su esposa Hannah buscan llegar a una generación herida y quebrantada para Jesucristo.

Hace unos años, mi hermana se acercó a mí en el campus de Liberty University, buscando consuelo de su hermano mayor. Un mago acababa de intentar manipular un beso de ella a través de su truco de magia.

Ella vino a mí por seguridad y protección. Pero cuando escuché su historia, no sentí ninguna emoción. ¿Cómo te suena? Quiero decir, se supone que los hermanos mayores protegen a sus hermanas, ¿verdad? Pero al escuchar que un tipo había intentado besar a mi hermana, honestamente no sentí nada. Recuerdo haber pensado: “¿Cuál es el problema? Es solo un beso”." 

Mis años de ver pornografía me habían insensibilizado al amor saludable. El amor perdió su belleza.

Durante 60 años, Josh McDowell ha estado guiando a los interesados hacia un conocimiento más profundo de la verdad y el poder de Dios. Te ofrecemos nuestro conocimiento acumulado e investigaciones para ayudarte a encontrar la verdad y el estímulo para vivir una vida sana e íntegra en Cristo.

El amor: ¿una reacción química?

Cuando escuché por primera vez a Josh McDowell hablar sobre el amor, afirmó que es solo una reacción química. Eso no me sonó bien, ya que pensaba que el amor era la buena sensación que tenemos cuando realmente nos gusta alguien. Se sintió como si la palabra “química” le quitara la emoción. 
Pero Josh tiene razón; sentimos la emoción del amor debido a una respuesta química. Cuando sentimos una increíble alegría, emoción, o tristeza, es debido a la liberación de sustancias químicas en nuestro cerebro.
Miremos el producto químico, llamado dopamina, por ejemplo. La dopamina se conoce como una sustancia química del placer. Cuando satisfacemos un ansia de hambre, o nos felicitamos por hacer algo bien, este químico que nos hace sentir bien se libera en nuestro cerebro. Esto nos hace sentir muy bien. Del mismo modo, cuando nos besamos, abrazamos o tenemos relaciones sexuales, se libera dopamina. 

Muchos trastornos de salud mental están relacionados con demasiada o muy poca dopamina en diferentes partes del cerebro. La dopamina puede alimentar la adicción.

El gran problema

Pero aquí hay un hecho interesante: las sustancias químicas en nuestro cerebro que producen conexiones, buenos sentimientos o amor, son moralmente neutrales. Así es, los químicos de tu cerebro carecen de un código moral. Eso significa que no conocen la diferencia entre el sexo en una relación matrimonial amorosa o la violación.
Por eso tenemos que decirle a nuestro cerebro qué es aceptable y qué no. Que está bien y que está mal. De lo contrario, la dopamina y otros productos químicos tendrán rienda suelta para llevarnos a donde no tenemos que ir, ya sea consumiendo demasiadas galletas de una sola vez o desarrollando el hábito de la pornografía.
Recuerdo la primera vez que vi porno. Fue en el sótano de mi vecino. Estaba en el jardín infantil. Sentí repulsión, como debería haberlo hecho. Pero al elegir volver al porno años después, esas imágenes repulsivas se me volvieron placenteras. to me.
La visualización repetida de pornografía crea una adicción a ver más. Cuando la dopamina dominó mi repulsión, comencé a asociar la pornografía con el placer. Mi cerebro estaba siendo reconfigurado y desensibilizado. Permití que este terrible hábito se hiciera más grande porque ver las imágenes gráficas se sentía bien , aunque sabía, por mi educación cristiana, que no era bueno para mí.

A nuestro cerebro le gusta el placer. Entonces, si algo se siente bien, tendemos a volver a él en busca de más de ese buen sentimiento. 

Después de sentir placer al ver tantas imágenes pornográficas horribles, mi cerebro veía la pornografía como algo normal. Entonces, cuando mi hermana vino corriendo hacia mí en busca de empatía, no tenía ninguna para darle. Ver pornografía había sesgado totalmente mi visión del contacto físico.
Había comenzado a pensar en las mujeres como objetos de mi placer y que los actos sexuales fuera del matrimonio no eran tan malos. Esto me dio miedo, porque mis padres me habían criado con esta verdad: el sexo es el hermoso diseño de Dios para cimentar el amor de una pareja dentro del matrimonio.

¿Cómo es tu visión del sexo y el amor? Hazte estas preguntas:

• ¿Estás viendo porno? Si es así, aprende que se estás insensibilizando el amor saludable cada vez que lo ves.
• ¿Sientes tensión o convicción cuando lees la Palabra de Dios o escuchas acerca de un modelo bíblico para la sexualidad? Si es así, existe un conflicto en tu visión de la sexualidad.
• ¿Sientes repulsión cuando ves contenido sexual fuera de una visión bíblica de la sexualidad? Si es así, el amor puede haber perdido su belleza para ti.

Una solución saludable

Dios creó nuestras emociones y la capacidad para experimentar el amor en el contexto de Su diseño. También creó nuestros cerebros con la capacidad de aprender y desaprender. Podemos volvernos insensibles a nuestras adicciones, incluso a una adicción fuerte como la pornografía.
En Romanos 12:2Pablo dice: “No os conforméis a este mundo, sino transformaos mediante la renovación de vuestra mente”. Nuestro cerebro puede volver a un estado de salud, con lo que lo alimentamos, de modo que obtengamos una visión bíblica y saludable del sexo y el amor. 
No voy a mentir: esta renovación de la mente requiere mucho trabajo. Llegamos allí al matar de hambre diariamente los comportamientos, pensamientos o creencias no deseados en nuestra cabeza, y reemplazarlos por otros saludables. Sé que esto es cierto porque personalmente he experimentado esta transformación. He pasado los últimos tres años buscando la salud y la libertad de mi adicción a la pornografía. Hoy puedo decir con sinceridad que estoy libre de ella y he encontrado la salud.
Cuando mi hermana y yo hablamos ahora de este viejo recuerdo, ella recuerda claramente la expresión entumecida en mi rostro. Lamente no haber estar ahí para ella. Si ella viniera corriendo hacia su hermano mayor hoy, ¿mi respuesta sería diferente? ¡Sí!
Ahora podría sentir su dolor y vergüenza y estar allí para consolarla. Y si soy honesto, podría tener que lidiar con ese mago. Después de mi experiencia con el porno, no quiero que nadie tenga la oportunidad de rebajar el amor o el contacto físico por ella.
La pornografía desensibilizó mi cerebro para ver a las mujeres como objetos. Pero ahora veo a cada persona en este planeta como amada y apreciada por Dios. Y ahora puedo ver claramente que Su diseño para el sexo y el amor es muy bueno, porque es saludable, desinteresado y afirmativo.
Estoy profundamente agradecido de que, para mí, el amor ya no haya perdido su belleza. 

La pornografía convierte a las personas en objetos. La pornografía convierte el sexo en placer personal. La pornografía hace que el amor pierda su belleza.

PRÓXIMOS PASOS:

• En este video, Sean McDowell pregunta: “¿Cuál es la mejor definición de amor?” (Página en inglés)“
• En esta publicación, Ben Bennett responde a la pregunta, “¿Cómo superamos la vergüenza causada por la desensibilización?”“
• Por favor, lee mi artículo “Viviendo libre de adicciones.“
• ¿Cómo afecta la pornografía a nuestro cerebro? Echa un vistazo a la investigación de Josh en “La epidemia de la pornografía."

Austin sirve como orador con el Ministerio Josh McDowell. Recién graduado de la Escuela de Teología Talbot, Austin y su esposa Hannah buscan llegar a una generación herida y quebrantada de manera relevante con el evangelio de Jesucristo.

I love hearing the highlights of people’s lives, vacations, weekends, or even workdays. They are insights into people’s unique passions, joys, and personalities. In my two years traveling with Josh McDowell as his assistant, I experienced quite a few highlights.

But one event, in particular, still stands out to me: the Set Free Conference. There is an epidemic in the church today, and it all revolves around pornography.

Global Initiative to Expose Porn Addiction

Set Free, an initiative launched by Josh to educate, start conversation, and de-shame porn addiction, focused on a few major themes: What is pornography? What are its associated problems, consequences, and solutions? A global initiative, Set Free Conferences have been held in the U.S., Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay, and Singapore; attendees have heard from top speakers such as Dr. Donald Hilton, Jessica Harris, Ben Bennett, y Josh McDowell. 
Why was Set Free the highlight of this two-year period? Because of the needed global conversation about the pornography epidemic — but also because of the response from attendees. 
I’ve watched empowered pastors share excitement and become eager to teach what they’ve learned. I’ve seen moms and dads finally be able to understand their child’s struggle with porn. I’ve seen community leaders get fired up about starting recovery groups. And I’ve seen wounded, broken, humble people openly confess, through pouring tears, the porn addictions that have torn their lives apart.
The first two sections of the Set Free Conference were hard-hitters: the problem of porn, and its consequences. As attendees heard the mind-boggling stats and gut-wrenching repercussions, they were glued to the edge of their seats. As they learned that porn is the number one problem in the Church — globally — their reactions ranged from shock and anger to utter despair. 

When we find the courage to talk about that which we deem to be dirty and uncomfortable, shame can be broken, movements can be started, and people can take the initial steps towards freedom.

The Problem of Porn

Our culture is so sexually saturated that porn is now included in top-selling books, advertising, and social media. We don’t even realize how many pornographic images we are exposed to daily, without our even trying to see them.
Christians are just as tempted as non-believers to view porn, which is why pastor Charles R. Swindoll has called pornography the greatest cancer in the history of the Church. As Josh adds, “It’s available, accessible, affordable, anonymous, appealing, aggressive, and addictive.” Porn is affecting the majority of families in every church around the globe. This epidemic is destroying families; it’s now the root cause of 56 percent of divorces.
So what is pornography? A general description is that it’s “that which is designed to arouse or sexually excite.” Porn is not juvenile and harmless, like too many people generally think. It is hardcore, graphic, and disgusting.

Porn addiction is biological, relational, and spiritual. Solutions must address each aspect for us to gain freedom.

Why is it an epidemic? I’ll share my personal experience. As I told readers in my last post, I have battled an addiction to porn that started well before my teens. I saber how porn addiction distorts every part of a person’s life. I saber the tangible consequences of the degradation of human life. I saber the misery of living an isolated and disconnected life, and the hopelessness of addiction.

Mind-Boggling Stats

The reach of the porn industry is mind-boggling. One study found that porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month. Porn now accounts for a third of all Internet traffic! More than 91 percent of men and 60 percent of women have reported consuming pornography in the past month.
But a lot of those viewers are young people, who got exposed to porn as early as eight years old! It’s just too easy to stumble on it on both cell phones and computers. In sharing my own story of woundedness, addiction, and journey toward freedom at the Set Free Conference, I’ve seen just how many young males — and increasingly young females — are struggling with addiction to porn. 
This breaks Josh’s heart; this crippling addiction is not what God intends for us. Josh has spent the past decade researching the problem, consequences, and solutions to pornography. Here are just a few startling statistics:

• 79 percent of men and 76 percent of women, ages 18-30, view pornography at least once a month.
• 64 percent of young people, ages 13-24, activamente seek out pornography.
• 57 percent of pastors admit they struggle with porn.
• 60-72 percent of men and 24-30 percent of women in the Church are sex addicts. 

What these stats show is that our society has normalized porn. Research shows that teens and young adults consider failing to recycle more immoral than viewing pornography!

The Consequences of Porn

There’s a reason that sexual immorality is talked about so frequently in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 
El website consequences that pornography yields dismantle a person’s biological, spiritual, and relational self. Biologically, it rewires our brains, creating a lack of control, chemical dependency, and desensitization. Spiritually, it disconnects us from God. Isaiah 59:2 states that our iniquities have caused separation between us and God; that our sins have hidden His face from us. Viewing pornography is rooted in our lust and sexual immorality; it is adultery. It is sin, plain and simple. 
In Ephesians 4:17-19, we can read that giving ourselves over to sensuality cuts us off from the life of God. Relationally, pornography causes guilt, shame, and isolation. When we isolate, we cut ourselves off from one of God’s greatest gifts, our brothers and sisters in Christ. One of the consequences of the epidemic of pornography is that it leads to a skewed perspective of how to treat others. 

Pornography causes the belief that:

• It’s okay to use, abuse, or mistreat others for self-gratification.
• It’s okay to view and participate in the use, mistreatment, or abuse of a person.
• People can treat others with indifference.
• Pleasure guides principle, meaning sexual passion trumps moral objectives.

Pornography creates:

• A demonstrated lack of empathy toward others.
• Decreased interest in and/or declining performance in school and extracurricular activities.
• Sexual aggression, incest, and age-inappropriate relationships.
• Concentration problems, low motivation, depression, social anxiety, negative self-perceptions, and erectile dysfunction.

Sexual abuse is always a hot topic in the media. But it’s interesting to note how infrequently porn is cited as the source motivating that abuse. Check out the Porn Epidemic’s chapter on sexual harassment to learn more about sexual abuse and its tie to pornography.

Hope

Coming face-to-face with the reality of our sin should lead us not into isolation, but to the feet of our Heavenly Father. The weight of our sin is heavy, too heavy to bear alone. It is so easy to be caught up in the magnitude of this epidemic and lose hope. I have done so many times.
But the truth is, there está hope. 1 Peter 2:24 offers us good news: “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” 
It is easy to become discouraged in the shadow of a giant, but we can’t forget that we know the end of the story. Christ, the Son of God, took the form of a man to take our sins upon Himself. He died, but triumphantly rose to reunite us with our Heavenly Father. He offers us forgiveness and healing, if we are willing to place our trust and faith in Him. With His help, we can conquer any sin.
Hope motivated all the Set Free attendees who confessed their addiction for the first time. And there is hope in the midst of your child’s addition, your personal addiction, or those of your friends. 
Porn is currently an epidemic. But no problem is bigger than God. I have hope in the power of His healing the world. Because I’ve witnessed it and experienced it. Have hope!

¿Quieres aprender más?

• Want a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker to come to your church? 
• Want research? Josh has compiled decades of research here: La epidemia de la pornografía..
• A list of ministries that help people to overcome porn.
• Join the Resolution Movement!

Durante dos años viajé con Josh McDowell, ayudando a llamar la atención de la gente al hecho de que la pornografía se ha convertido en una epidemia en Estados Unidos, a pesar de que pocos parecen reconocer el problema.

Pero sé de primera mano la devastación que causa y lo fácil que es volverse adicto y esclavizado por la vergüenza. He aquí un poco de mi historia.

Mi primera introducción al porno

Recuerdo el momento como si fuera ayer. Yo tenía 12 años y estaba en sexto grado. Entré en la habitación del campamento de invierno de nuestro grupo juvenil, solo para ser recibido por las lágrimas de un buen amigo. “Tengo que decirte algo”, espetó. Antes de darme cuenta, me estaba contando una historia que me era muy familiar: su profunda lucha con la pornografía. Me sentí sorprendido, mientras la culpa y una enorme convicción inundaban mi alma. 
Fui expuesto a la pornografía por primera vez a los nueve años, pero la curiosidad me llevó a buscarla cuando tenía once años. Esa decisión imprudente dio origen a una adicción de 11 años que devastó ese período de mi vida. Durante más de una década, la pornografía se convirtió en mi fuente de intimidad, satisfacción y aceptación.

Cuando estaba solo, la pornografía era mi consuelo. Cuando me sentí como un fracaso, la pornografía me gratificó. Cuando sentí que no valía nada, la pornografía me dio una sensación de valor.

Mi deseo de ser completamente conocido y amado comenzó a satisfacerse con esta fuente falsa. La pornografía era un escape a un mundo lleno de placer. Pronto me alejé emocionalmente de mi familia y amigos, a medida que crecía la vergüenza y el aislamiento dentro de mí.

Ocultando mi vergüenza

En la iglesia yo era el hijo del pastor; parecía que lo tenía todo. Aprendí todas las respuestas correctas y cómo actuar para recibir la aceptación de los demás. Surgieron oportunidades para que yo dirigiera la devoción, o pequeños grupos en mi grupo juvenil e incluso dar charlas. Mentores y amigos me alentaron y me felicitaron, pero sus palabras inspiradoras se filtraron a través de mi vergüenza, sumergiéndome aún más en la desolación.
Mentí, corrí y me escondí en momentos de vulnerabilidad. Honestamente, mi vida se veía bien, pero los disturbios de mi doble vida me destrozaron. 
Escuché en la iglesia y en seminarios cristianos que si confesaba mi pecado a Jesús y desarrollaba responsabilidad con los muchachos que me rodeaban, encontraría libertad de mi adicción. Lo intenté durante años, confesando mis pecados una y una otra vez; un cometido que falló. Este ciclo traumatizante de culpa, confesión, cortos períodos de cambio y recaída continuó durante toda mi adicción.

Como fallé repetidamente, la culpa de mi fracaso se convirtió en vergüenza cuando me vi a mí mismo como el fracaso. Tocar fondo fue un rudo despertar en mi tercer año de universidad.

Había perdido la esperanza y estaba profundamente deprimido. El fracaso, la inutilidad y la vergüenza consumieron mis pensamientos mientras trataba de mantener mi actuación sólida. En la mañana del 28 de marzo de 2017, finalmente contacté a las dos personas que sabía que me amaban y se preocupaban por mí más que nadie, mis padres.
Llamé a casa y confesé. Yen ese momento experimenté gracia pura..

Buscando la liberación

Mis padres hablaron de quién era yo como hijo de Dios, y como su hijo. Esa mañana me lancé en mi proceso de encontrar salud: cortar el suministro de pornografía, arrepentimiento verdadero, responsabilidad verdadera y consejería.
Encontrar curación ha sido uno de los viajes más difíciles de mi vida. Me cuesta usar el término “libertad” porque me cuesta creer que podemos encontrar la verdadera libertad del pecado aquí en la tierra. Esa libertad total es la que esperamos cuando nos reunamos con nuestro Creador.

Pero puedo decir que he encontrado un nuevo nivel de salud. Este nivel de salud consiste en una vida sin secretos, intimidad con Dios, procesamiento de emociones y contacto en las relaciones.

¿Sigo viendo pornografía? No. ¿Pero soy realmente libre? No. Porque la pornografía no es solo un problema, es un medicamento para un problema subyacente..
Todos nos medicamos con algo cuando tenemos deseos que no se satisfacen. En lugar de acudir sanamente a Dios y a las personas que me rodean para ser amado y conocido, el miedo me llevó a una falsificación. A través de la consejería, me di cuenta de que no solo estaba lidiando con una adicción a la pornografía, sino con las heridas de mi pasado. Los adictos a la pornografía no son pervertidos; están sufriendo y buscando amor, aceptación y gratificación en el lugar equivocado. Como dice mi amigo Ben Bennett, el director del ministerio de Josh McDowell Movimiento de Resolución! (contenido en inglés) dice: "Los deseos no satisfechos conducen a comportamientos no deseados".

Apoyarse en Cristo

Hay mucho dolor en mi historia. Pero ese dolor no es nada comparado con el profundo amor de Cristo. Hoy puedo sentarme aquí con la fuerte convicción de que soy un hijo amado de Dios, con un inmenso valor para mi Creador. ¡Eso es motivo de celebración! Nada se compara con mi intimidad con el Señor y las personas que me rodean. Me aferro a estos dos versículos que mis padres compartieron conmigo la mañana en que confesé mi adicción:

Juan 16:33: “Estas cosas les he hablado para que en Mí tengan paz. En el mundo tienen tribulación; pero confíen, Yo he vencido al mundo”.  
Romans 8:1: “Por tanto, ahora no hay condenación para los que están en Cristo Jesús." 

La pornografía está destruyendo nuestra nación, nuestras iglesias, nuestras familias y a nosotros como individuos. Está minando la base misma que Dios puso en su lugar para que las personas se relacionen en una intimidad saludable. El website estadísticas globales de esta lucha son abrumadoras, pero hay esperanza, comenzando con la Iglesia eligiendo lidiar con este conflicto directamente.
Como Iglesia, la novia de Cristo, comencemos a hablar. Normalicemos el tema de la adicción sexual, que ha sido tabú durante demasiado tiempo en la Iglesia. Hasta que estemos dispuestos a hablar de esto abierta y compasivamente, los adictos a la pornografía como yo seguiremos ocultándonos en nuestra vergüenza.
Te pregunto: ¿Es el propósito de la iglesia condenar, o ayudar a llevar a los cautivos a la libertad? Creo que Jesús vino a mostrarnos que es lo último.

Para obtener más información sobre mi historia, escucha el podcast: Long Story Short;, donde mi buen amigo Alex y yo discutimos la vergüenza y la solución a la adicción a la pornografía

Recursos útiles:

• ¡Únete a la Resolución!
• Ministerio de Josh McDowell sobre sexo y relaciones
• https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf (contenido en inglés)
• https://fightthenewdrug.org/por-que-consumir-porno-es-un-comportamiento-en-escalada/#24 (contenido en inglés)
• https://www.culturereframed.org/researched-harms/ (contenido en inglés)

Welcome! In this post we dive further into talking about sex with your kids. Specifically, God’s beautiful design for it.

“Love and sex — don’t they mean the same thing?”

We live in an age of information overload. Yet there’s so much desinformación about love, sex, and relationships. For many people, love and sex DO mean the same thing. But in last week’s post we talked about how they actually differ, especially to God. So much of the confusion stems from people having a desire for love — but not understanding what real love looks like.

Young people desperately need to hear and hold a positive, biblical worldview about God’s design for sex. Without this foundation in place, it’s no surprise to see so many end up broken, facing all kinds of challenges in their lives and relationships.

When we are talking about sex with our youth, we need to help them see that it’s a sacred act, not a casual one. Yet society pushes sexual exploration and immorality on our kids, encouraging them to embrace a cheapened morality. Parents, we don’t have to feel helpless about this influence. We can fight back by taking an active role in guiding our kids to understand God’s beautiful design for sex. We can help our kids to know and stand on the truth so they enjoy their best life.

Helpful Parenting Resource

Trust me, even when our kids act like they’re grossed out that we’re talking about sex, they are listening. Especially when we approach them with respect. They want to know what we think. Kids love to hear real stories of how we’ve gained our wisdom!
One resource that has equipped me and my husband, Alex, to have these conversations with our kids is Josh McDowell’s book, The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex. Josh wrote the book because he believes knowledge, not ignorance, is the key to youthful purity. Using entertaining anecdotes, real stories, and biblical insights, La Verdad Desnuda (Bare Facts) delivers frank and biblical answers to top questions our kids are asking about sex, love, and relationships.
I read the book first, to prepare myself for talking with my teenagers. And then I gave them the book to them to read for themselves, to put us on the same page, literally. You can read some sample pages of La Verdad Desnuda (Bare Facts) por clicking here. You can order the book alone or as a book/DVD set, for use in small groups.

Love and sex are están the same thing, though that’s the message our kids see in entertainment and the media. In talking about sex with our kids, we guide them in  valuing the role God intends for sex. And we help them to hold fast to His standard, despite the siren call of our increasingly sexualized society. Our kids can’t know the truth, if we leave it to society to instruct them.

As parents, we need to be ready to have important conversations with our kids. We need to make sure they feel free to ask questions and are prepared to make good choices. We need to make sure they aren’t doing life from shame or fear, but living in the light of God’s truth.

The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex, you can talk to your kids about:

> Whether sexting and oral sex are big deals. 
> How to deal with their hormones, emotions, and sexual attraction.
> Choosing to not view porn, to skip its addictive grip.
> Why waiting to have sex until marriage has some really big perks.
> God’s amazing grace and forgiveness if they’ve already had sex.

⇒ ⇒ Click here to see all of Josh’s parenting videos

Muchas gracias a la bloguera invitada Sheryl McLellan.